a Muse chick

Seriously. Just say thank you and accept the card.

Ok, so clearly I misunderstand the whole concept of giving with an open heart.

My beloved’s family does not really enjoy gifts on a too frequent basis (or even too expensive gifts, but that is neither here nor there).

Thus, instead of gifts, I sent cards.  Nice cards.  Cards which some would consider expensive, but are probably the price of a cup of Staryuck’s coffee (the big one, with extra something or another).  

But still, they are cards.  Just cards.

Personally, I like nice cards, so I give nice cards.  Cards with glitter, and pop-up things, that are bejeweled.  They have nice phrases or are just simply beautiful.

However, today, after the 3rd ‘discussion’ about said cards, I have decided that I must be incorrect.  Apparently, it -is- indeed the price that matters.  I’ve been asked to only send .99 cards. 

My beloved mentioned this earlier this week.  He mentioned it again today after speaking with his Mother, and now his sister sent me a private message via FB stating the same thing.

Fine. Done.  

Depressed (light bulb)

Apparently, I’ve been depressed since my life scare.  I just realized it yesterday evening.  (Thank you Super Moon!)

I don’t really understand depression, having (thankfully) never suffered from it in a long term sort of way.  Grief, I understand.  Anger, I understand, Sorrow, sadness, fear, got those packed away some place, but depression is/was now.

Part of it is, I now realize, the upcoming surgical procedure.  I’m terrified and that is depressing.  

So, I think, for me, the best possible choice is to keep moving.  It certainly can’t hurt. 

Life changers

I had one, over the weekend.  A reasonable expectation of a certain condition, that became quickly unreasonable.  

In the hospital, admitted for the first time ever in my life, my blood pressure dropped far too low, 54/36.  I recall the nurse seemed astonished I was still conscious.  But, I wasn’t, not really.  

I was slipping away, and I knew it.  I was not clam -“Keep clam and carry on” - (Thanks Ivar’s for the quote. http://www.ivars.com/), and while I hate to get all woo and mystical, I saw Her.  And I pleaded with for another chance.  Obviously it was granted.  

I had seen Her, in a dream, a couple of nights before, she warned that a life changer was coming. 

Now, what to do?  I have so very much to do, and I have an idea of where to start, but for right now, while I heal, I am frantic, desperate to begin.

So we begin here, with this post.  

Thank you, Lady. 

Again.

I haven’t used this in years.  And I am back.

On a business trip I met someone who reminded me of me, 20 odd years ago.  Hell even 10 years ago.  Before.  Fearless, passionate, intelligent, joyful.

Odd, I didn’t add beautiful, because while she is, youthful and exotic, I still feel beautiful.  I’m still told by strangers I am beautiful.  And I am working towards aging as my Grandmother, my Mother and the French women do, graciously, with a bit panache, and hopefully, some deep, breathless laughter.

Out of sorts

Right. The ex blamed me for the relationship going bad, he did this on Tuesday. Apparently it is still bothering me.

He took absolutely NO responsibility for the lies or his behaviour. None, at all.

God, I need my private twitter account back so I can vent.

Odd week

It’s been an odd week.

That is all.